We Need to Talk About it NOW!
In the interest of efficiency, productivity and teamwork, do you ever force yourself to talk through a conflict or encounter with a colleague before you’re ready? You might think talking it through is the best way to defuse your anger or frustration and ultimately get back to work.
Unfortunately, taking this route may only lead to further disconnection and frustration – for both of you.
“When we’re in pain and our thoughts are awhirl, we’re not able to empathize with others until our need for empathy has been sufficiently met,” says Ike Lasater.
Before you dive in to “talk it out” with your coworker or boss, take a few minutes to give yourself empathy and connect to your feelings and needs.
If you are anticipating a difficult conversation with someone, a difficult meeting, or a challenging interaction, practice self-empathy beforehand with these steps:
(1) Observation – Identify what was actually said or done without judgment
(2) Identify how you feel about it, without evaluation
(3) Identify what need was met or not met by the words or actions, without blame
As you “prepare for this interaction” with self-empathy, notice any changes in your thought process and in how you feel. How has this process shifted your intention as you go into the conversation?
Mindful Practice for the Week
This week, give yourself permission to pause – employing the steps of self-empathy – before entering a difficult conversation, meeting, or encounter with a colleague or customer. Continue the practice until you recognize a shift in your intention away from judgment, blame, or “being right.”